6.11.09

"better times collide with these, and better times, are coming still."

i was right about my true, bodily sleepiness yesterday. i accidentally fell asleep at 10 woke up at 12 tired as could be, took out my eyes, and went back to bed for another 8 hours. i never used to sleep this much, but things have changed.


i love blasting music while driving in the car. better than i like blasting music anywhere else. and it is distinctly different in the car. because when blasting music elsewhere, i don't know what to do with my body. i have the overwhelming urge to escape, and in the car, i am escaping.

i make ridiculous faces, i stick my arms straight out to the steering wheel do whatever my faces equivalent to raising one eyebrow is. i feel dangerous. i feel reckless. i feel immortal. i bang on the ceiling of the car harder than i should, i scratch and claw, i sing TOO loud, so loud that it hurts my voice and it doesn't sound good, not a bit but it FEELS good.

i want to send people songs. not MY songs(i don't have any yet), but songs because when i hear songs i think of them or more i think of myself and how i feel and i want certain people to know EXACTLY how i feel, and this song, the words the music, the essence is exactly what i have been trying to expalain about myself.

today, my jams were :neko, modest mouse, belle and sebastian, and nirvana (incesticide...probably the worst, but i knew all the words when i was a wee thing so it is forever my favorite).

bah. i wish i could have written WHILE driving WHILE going crazy to the music. my feelings were right there, i knew how i wanted to describe it, i felt motivated to make lists of lyrics that are describing how i feel etc. but now, it seems kind of silly and also kind of pointless.

i am doing good. that is good. but part of me wishes i wasn't. which i realize is nonsensical and silly. it's probably too personal to explain, and i tend to get in trouble for pasting myself in words all over the internet so i'll refrain, and ponder it to myself, or not ponder it at all because it isn't something i want to think about.

time for some milk and rest.