Wednesday, June 3, 2009


new friends, a whole summer of fun.

i am learning to make friends wherever i go, to keep things interesting, and to trust myself. my friends have went missing, not really, but a little, but that's o.k. i am doing my best not to panic. i am not looking back, even though nostalgia used to be my favorite game. i am becoming infuriated daily, but in the normal sort of way. i am not bothering to say goodbye to yesterday, because it's not for me to let go of, it will wear off of me eventually. or it won't. but it's not for me to decide, to chose what will stick and what will fade. which is not to say that it's up to some higher power, though it may be, but more to say that it all depends on how the other factors play in. i have done what i can to make things the way i wish them to be, but i won't kill myself trying. no more attempting to swallow the sadness, it isn't something edible, it is something that needs to be overcome, not suppressed. i sound more optimistic than i feel, but i am assuming that if i believe it, it will be so. which i've been told many times. but it really only works in terms of yourself. which i suppose was supposed to be obvious to me. i was supposed to know that it was only an intrinsic sort of thing. i've been trying to use this believing voodoo on other people, and it isn't working. so enough is enough.

i know. no one believes me anymore. i talk in circles, i say i'm better, i'm learning, i'm stronger, i'm smarter in a vain attempt to prove them wrong, to show them that i've changed. but i'm not too concerned with thoughts from other people. as of late, no one is particularly reliable, whether it be their fault, or mine, or some odd chances of fate.

maybe being alone isn't the worst thing.

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