8.4.09

everyone has packed up and left, and usually this makes me feel so upset i can't function, but i think that i am learning to say good-bye. today, all i can see is forward, thanks to my cousins being themselves and helping me find the ground. i am passing my sadness tests, which are weird little trials to see how resilient my happiness is. i feel like next year is full of things that i do not know, mysteries, but i am ready to delve into them, because last year , i was waiting for something or other, and this year, i am not, and i have no one to think about but myself. i had all sorts of lovely poetic thoughts, but i am too tired to put them down properly, so i am writing this bla bla bla so i can refer to it later with all of my nice thoughts. i will admit, i am sad in the slightest when i think about my losses, but the sadness doesn't feel crippling and i think now, i am ready to use it to my advantage. next year, i am going to hunt for some sort of band i can run around with, because i like to sing, and i want to lean towards my musical inclination that i normally ignore. perhaps i will start learning some instruments also. ok life. you have survived the hardest year. let's move forward, for real. not the pep-talk sort of moving forward, but the actual act of moving onto new things, new people, and new worlds.