Tuesday, October 6, 2009

"out everyone out, i give too much SHIT a home, in my heart and mind, gets me every time"

WHY? i ate my fingers, i felt like i was betraying someone, somewhere, though i wasn't quite sure who.

they say that it just takes a little time. i few extra doses of patience, and you'll be fine. the smell of my hair gel, at home, takes me back to last year, it brings an automatic knot in my stomach, it makes me feel little, and silly, and i should probably just throw it away, but my mother would call it a waste. my head is back to aching, maybe it is a tuesday ritual, maybe it is trying to tell me something. i've told my side of the story hundreds of time, i just want a new one. i want to stop making myself sad, i want to stop missing people altogether, and sometimes, when they get to the climax, i wish for nothing other than to have never been born at all. today, i asked the floor, if i could become a part of its shadows, only to be asked "mom, am i failing?" normally i would use some sort of vomit imagery right here, but i'm well aware that it's getting old. i'm getting old. and the irony or coincidence of the day it is, and the band i saw, and the name of the most important thing that was ever made with me in mind, is not lost on me. rather, i am lost in it. i am all the things i told myself i never would be, and because of that, i am going to bed.

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